Are you lonesome tonight?
Does your tummy feel tight?
Did you bring your mylanta and tums?
Does your memory
stray,
To that bright sunny day,
When you had all your teeth and your gums?
Is your hairline
receding?
Your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her,
And its prostate for him.
Does your
back give you pain?
Do your knees predict rain?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
Is your blood
pressure up?
Good cholesterol down?
Are you eating your low fat cuisine?
All that oat
bran and fruit,
Metamucil to boot.
Helps you run like
A well oiled machine.
If it's football
or baseball,
He sure knows the score.
Yes, he knows where it's at
But forgets what it's for.
So your gallbladder's
gone,
But your gout lingers on,
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
When you're
hungry, he's not,
When you're cold, he is hot,
Then you start that old thermostat war.
When you turn
out the light,
He goes left and you go right,
Then you get his great symphonic snore.
He was once
so romantic,
So witty and smart;
How did he turn out to be such
A cranky old fart?
So don't take
any bets,
It's as good as it gets,
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
..........Ladies
and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.
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